


introspection

by mangomunkki



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23739394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangomunkki/pseuds/mangomunkki
Summary: Kaoru has some questions for Sibil.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Apocalypse Universe





	introspection

**Author's Note:**

> Just archiving some old drabbles! Sibil and Kaoru are from mine and a friend's RP campaign! if you're interested in hearing more about them, go peep at my twitter @creatormango  
> This particular one was a combination of both character dynamics studies and also in dialogue - something I'm notoriously bad at.

Kaoru pulled at the vampire’s sleeve as he was moving to pass him. “Sibil, a moment of your time?” The curious look he got from the man was, admittedly, most likely earned – he did not exactly go out of his way to avoid contact with the team, but gods know he did not really mingle with the other inhabitants of the camp more than necessary. Still, he received a curt nod from him, Sibil quirking his lip in the way he usually did when defaulting to snark.  
“Since I can’t exactly claim I’m falling asleep on my feet and absolutely need to get under the covers right now, sure. Lead the way.” Kaoru nodded, gesturing at him to follow him outside. The cloudless sky let the moon paint everything in gleaming silver, offering enough light the lanterns outside seemed redundant. The temperature had fallen into a comforting chill, Kaoru noting with interest that Sibil seemed to shiver when stepping outside, though almost in reflex, as if the gesture was practiced and not a genuine one. The common hustle of the camp had quieted down, most of the inhabitants asleep, the only continuous sound the steady hum of the air conditioning units and some brave crickets preparing for their nightly concert. Even Sibil, usually always chatting away, seemed content to just fall silent and follow him, the crunching sound of their footfalls breaking the pattern.

When content he had gotten them far enough they would not be accidentally overheard, Kaoru turned around, facing the vampire. Sibil, it appeared, had had enough of being obedient and silent, having turned to look at the lake he’d led him to with that pesky half-smile again. “Oh, Kaoru, you know, I’m just flattered, but unfortunately-” He cut him off before he could even finish his sentence, him having a good enough idea of the following contents.  
“I asked you here because I know you are not doing so well in therapy as Tsuki would like.” Cutting the air with his hand, Kaoru continued on, wanting to get the whole truth out before Sibil could jump to the wrong conclusions. “They haven’t said anything, of course. They do not take patient confidentiality lightly. Still, it is obvious they are frustrated after your sessions together, and, forgive me if I step out of line here, but they are not the only ones worried. Nova’s performance is getting worse, and it is obvious he is concerned for you. What is going on?”

Sibil groaned, dragging a hand down his face. A needless gesture, Kaoru thought, but as he had come to learn, the dramatics were just something to be expected from him. “ _Merde_. I’d say you stepped out of line at the point where you made this your problem. What makes you think I’d tell you something I’m not telling the therapist?” Still, though, nothing in his body language actually suggested he would leave. Sure, the set of his jaw and shoulders screamed his annoyance, but even that felt... superficial, on some level.  
Kaoru shrugged, his facial expression not even twitching. “Humour me.”

With a measured, slow breathing out of air, Sibil dropped to a cross-legged position on the ground, his eyes having gone back to the slowly rippling surface of the water. Not that he was paying it much attention, though, his eyes boring straight through it. Kaoru, copying him, settled down onto a kneeling position himself, hands folded in his lap, and waited for the vampire to broach the silence.

“I’m... Ugh. Kaoru, you yōkai are immortal, right? I mean, I know you’re no hot headed youngster, barely out of his teens.” With a side glance seeking confirmation for his words, Sibil continued, his eyes tracking skywards. “I just guess I’m still a bit reeling about the fact that I’m, you know, not a mortal any longer, after believing for 18 years I was going to have a, well, regular cycle of life. How the hell do you get used to the understanding that you’re going to outlive most of the people around you? How do you deal with that?”

“You do not. Not really.”

From the way Sibil’s brows shot upwards, that had not been the answer he had been expecting. Kaoru found himself with an unexpected tinge of compassion for the man – child, even, at least in matters like these. He had not had the luxury of being born with his immortality, growing up already knowing what was in wait for him. With a quiet breath, he turned his eyes to the moon instead, knowing Sibil would not try and meet his in any case.

“It gets easier after the first couple of centuries. Before that, you feel rubbed raw, almost a rush to isolate yourself from anyone with an incompatible lifespan, because you fear the hurt, fear the inevitable separation. You start to wonder, as your first, ‘original’ friends die around you, lost to old age, to illness, if all this is worth it. That would it not be easier to just stay away in the first place, spare yourself the trouble.” At Sibil’s sharp intake of breath, rushed, almost a gasp, Kaoru suddenly realised he understood exactly what was ailing the young vampire. And, why he had apparently been hesitant to discuss it with Nova.

“Still, it really is worth it. You will find yourself appreciating every moment even more when you stop thinking of time as a ticking clock, eating away at your time together second by second. And, don’t misunderstand me, losing people hurts. It still does. But, at least, if you give it your all when they are alive, you can console yourself with the knowledge you did not waste the chance you were given at knowing these exceptional, wonderful individuals, and will always have your memories to cherish as a token of their life.

"Besides, isolation is not really an option. Time never moves slower than when you have no one by your side, no one to confide in, no one to look after and share the ups and lows of your life with. Be it for a day, a week, or tens of years, it is a precious gift we can give each other, the gift of our company.” Taking note of the tenseness around the vampire’s eyes, how his eyes seemed to almost glimmer in sync with the moon, Kaoru rose back to his feet, placing a hand on his lithe shoulder. So young, yet needing to worry about such heavy matters. This war really spared no one.

“You are surrounded by extraordinary people, Sibil. You have all the makings of a wonderful life. Do not push that away just because of your worry of what the future might bring.” Stepping away, turning back to the camp, Kaoru only barely missed Sibil’s hand going up, brushing off an unshed tear from his cheek.


End file.
